Trying Their Best

Posted: April 13, 2009

Habits of Mind
by Merryn Rutledge

Some years ago my colleagues and I created a curriculum for leaders called Habits of Mind, based upon excellent work by Costa and Kallick. We have all kinds of habits of mind, of course. Some, like inflexible judgments of others, get us into trouble, and others are helpful.

Costa and Kallick name 16 helpful habits, including listening with empathy, thinking flexibly, persisting and observing closely. Lately I've been noticing, both in my own behavior and in my work with leaders, that these habits are clusters of skills that are easier to classify than practice.

Consequently, I've been trying out a habit that is small and easy to call to mind. When I am trying to understand a client situation, I begin by saying to myself, "People are trying their best." Whereas many of us are optimistic about human nature, I know that my general sanguinity does not protect me from premature and stubborn judgments. I make mistakes when I fail to remind myself that in this particular situation, these folks not only have good intentions but are truly trying their best.

This reminder, "People are trying their best," gives me curiosity. Curiosity gives me a sense of wonder and many questions. If a person is trying his best, what is going on inside him and around him that could account for his actions? In a group or whole organization, what is going on in this group dynamic or organizational system that is not serving these folks well?

Right now, for example, I have a client who is in conflict with a colleague. Both people are trying their best, so I wonder what their hot issues are. I wonder what beliefs each person has about her own work. I wonder what each believes about the other. I wonder whether they have different work styles that reflect differences in personality type. I am curious about many things.

How do we search for answers? One way is by asking some of our questions. We show that we want to learn, and invite the other person into a mutual search for understanding.

As an organizational growth and change consultant, I also watch and listen for other kinds of clues. There are symbolic clues, for instance, such as the metaphors people use to describe their work: "This place is like a war zone;" "The leadership team is blind." I listen for what gets emphasis, what gets a laugh at meetings, for instance. I pay attention to what remains unsaid – not only hidden agendas, but also dreams and aspirations.

Because people are trying their best and behaving in puzzling ways, we also need to be curious about ourselves, the observers. Why do we notice what we notice, including our own reactions? In other words, we need to look in the mirror and explore our own assumptions, beliefs, motivations and aspirations.

This habit of mind, the reminder that others are trying their best, seems to help with listening, staying flexible, seeking to understand and observing closely – a plentiful sheaf for any leader to carry.